The Haggards are the only rock ‘n roll band running for Marin County supervisor. The band consists of Earle Haggard, lead singer and “funny one”; Merlin Haggard, bass guitarist and “smart one”; David Allen Haggard, guitarist and “tough one”; and Milo Haggard, drummer and “hot one.” They met in 2007 at a conference for the illegitimate children of Merle Haggard at the San Leandro Airport Hyatt Convention Center. They decided to move as far west as they could—and start a band. Since then, they’ve thrived in West Marin, and they want to give back to the community. Some of their ideas are startling, some are refreshingly simple and some, perhaps, are inevitable.
They will kick off their campaign this Saturday night at The Old Western Saloon, at around 9 p.m. We sat down with them at the bar last week to talk about their candidacy, hear their views and have a drink.
Point Reyes Light: What are your ideas for Marin County?
The Haggards: Well, it all boils down to our slogan “Make West Marin Country.”
Light: What does that mean?
Haggards: It’s kind of obvious when you really think about it. We like to think that success starts with secession. First, we’re gonna prime the pump with mind-bending redneck ‘n roll rebel-country funk music; that’s first and foremost. Then we’re going to secede West Marin from East Marin. Eventually, we’ll make our own sovereign nation, West Marin Country. Kind of like Luxembourg, only greener, way more chill and no skiing whatsoever.
Light: What kind of laws do you envision?
Haggards: Not that many, you know. Really simplify. Pretty much America, only frontier-oriented. We’ll start with shutting down Highway 1 and Sir Francis Drake, except for horse and 4×4 access. We’re not talking Kia S.U.V.s here… We’re talking monster truck, or almost monster truck. Then we’ll reintroduce the grizzly bear, encourage unlicensed distilleries, declare war on Sonoma County, change the Department of Fish and Wildlife to the Department of Smoked Meat and Hunting. There’s just so much more we can do as our own sovereign nation.
Light: What about affordable housing?
Haggards: Why? You know of a place?
Light: No. What’s your position on affordable housing?
Haggards: We’ve got a multi-pronged attack, starting with converting the Grandi Building into an affordable housing complex. Also reinterpreting a 1457 British law to allow locals to sleep in any Airbnb or VRBO at any time without warning.
Light: How will you navigate the relationship with the National Park Service?
Haggards: We love the park. I mean, Milo sleeps there four months outta the year. Our park will be pretty much the same, only with Internet access, elk hunting, munitions caches and lots of barbecue sauce.
Light: It’s getting late, and I shouldn’t have another drink. Are you officially on the ballot?
Haggards: This is a write-in situation.
Light: Pesticide use?
Haggards: Not since Skeeter Haggard, our former banjo player, died from the stuff. No, we never use ‘em.
Light: What other issues are on your mind?
Haggards: Mostly we want Marin to be fun again. More public nudity, more music, more freedom. We’re liberal rednecks and conservative hippies and we want to make West Marin Country. We’re kicking off our campaign this Saturday night right here at the Western, so come on down and feel the freedom!
Note: This article is a joke.