The recent meteoric ascent to international fame by West Marin’s “outlaw country boy band,” the Haggards, has come as a surprise to many. “It all happened so fast, once we hit 300 likes on Facebook,” said Merlin Haggard, the band’s bass player and so-called “smart one.” Even Tammy Owens, the mother of the lead guitarist and “rebellious and tough one,” David Allen Haggard, said: “I guess anybody can make it in America, God bless it!”
The act, which formed in 2007 at a convention of the illegitimate children of Merle Haggard, has seen some low points on its way to stardom. Asked about a notorious public nudity incident at the Peppermill Creek Saloon, drummer and “hot one” Milo Haggard shook his head. “Uhhhh, I don’t think my parole officer would want me to divulge,” he said.
During a stark and unprofitable tour of Chileno Valley and Europe, the band nearly broke up when banjo player Skeeter Haggard had a fatal choking accident at a Hooters in Bakersfield. “We almost called it quits right there,” Earle Haggard, the lead singer and “funny one” recalled. “And we sure as heck never ate jalapeño poppers again.” Meanwhile, some homemade videos of their songs “You Can’t Git There From Here,” “Sexy Dance” and “Poison Oak in My Broken Heart” went viral on the Internet.
Following a successful international stadium tour, which included appearances at the Egyptian pyramids, the Great Wall of China and a futuristic space bubble at the bottom of the Indian Ocean, the Haggards will make a grand return to their hometown of Point Reyes America. There they are slated to play back-to-back sets at the Old Western Saloon, on Saturday night and Sunday afternoon, following the Western Weekend parade. “The Haggards just want to give back to all the fine folks of West Marin who supported us before we had multiple supermodel wives,” Milo told the Light.
The Haggards’ sudden wealth and return to West Marin has brought both confusion and controversy. “We’re having a hard time figuring out what to do with all this money,” Earle said. “You know, besides ordering things off TV infomercials and buying narcotics and a red, white and blue Humvee limo with a tow-along hot tub.”
Indeed, some of their recent expenditures have raised eyebrows in the community. Merlin recently acquired Tim Westergren’s property on Balboa after winning a game of Liar’s Dice; under the pseudonym “Crouching Cougar,” he began building an 847-bedroom, 144-hot tub, two-bathroom mega-mansion—with a chain saw, a crew of 10,000 and no permits.
David Allen began an aggressive “Frack Mount Vision” campaign (“If you can get your food local, why not your darned propane! What?!”). The campaign failed following an all-out arm-wrestling tournament between band members and the Mainstreet Moms, with the band receiving emergency medical attention while the Moms escaped without incident.
Milo’s proposed 500-foot billboard showcasing his Cabella’s underwear modeling gig, to be placed on the Grandi Building, brought strong resistance from the West Marin Commons, though some members stated it might be “interesting.” Earle’s personal attempt to reintroduce the grizzly bear in the national seashore was also met with insult. “They’re a native species!” he reportedly yelled to park rangers. “I’m doing y’all a favor! C’mon!”
Despite the controversy, the Haggards will hold a “Benefit For Everyone” on June 6 and 7. The Western Weekend double set promises to be a rock and roll experience of unparalleled absurdity.